Cleatus Claybeaugh

(from the June 2009 Issue)

Protocol In Perspective
by Cleatus Claybeaugh

What with all the considerations of whether to bow or shake hands; whether to hug at the shoulders or squeeze a burp out of a fellow statesman, its tough doing the right thing nowadays. If a Country Wide executive offers a political contribution should they take it? Should one be overly concerned about a photo opportunity with a fellow American… like, say, Bernie Madoff? And what is wrong with taking a photo of Air Force One flying near the Statue of Liberty? With the American First Lady encouraging backyard gardens do you think the Lettuce Lobby will be complaining about the impact this will have on lettuce farms over the nation. And the furiously repopulating strawberry… hey!
California is having a rough enough time without every wanna-be farmer in the country growing their own strawberries.

These considerations pale in comparison to the problems of South Africa’s President Jacob Zuma. He happens to be the first President of South Africa with three wives. The serious dilemma; which one will be First Lady? Can all of them be first ladies and would they share the spacious bedroom of his hilltop living quarters? As the nation’s first polygamist, who will be his date for the inaugural ball? These are serious problem for that nation. Their constitution has never addressed such issues. Would President Zuma choose his oldest wife, Sizakele Khumalo. … or the youngest, Thobeka Mabhija, that he often takes with him for public appearances. The youngest is charming and accustomed to meeting dignitaries. Of course, with no constitutional constraints he could also choose to alternate First Ladies for varying stints in the president’s mansion. The second wife, Nompumelelo Ntuli, is hoping she will be President Zuma’s choice. Some say there is a possibility he will take all three. That could make for an interesting domestic dispute in many families.

What about the 19 children? Will the state provide medical care and security for the entire family? Coupled with airfare and food President Jacob Zuma may prove to be a very expensive leader. Already some are begging the question if this were a woman president with three husbands how would you feel?

As for me and my family of only one wife and one daughter, we often find it difficult to agree on a place to have dinner. In the case of President Zuma, he has accomplished the difficult task of being elected in a progressive democracy which, in and of itself, a mark of a great leader.

Should we congratulate him or offer our deepest sympathy?